Back Again

Hi! It’s been ages since I’ve written anything, so if I’m a bit rusty, please have patience. I spent quite some time deliberating on what to write this post about, I wrote three separate posts before this one and ended up deleting them all half way through. So then, I decided to write about the post itself, or rather why I’m coming back to writing after all this time.

My life has recently come to a point where I have the drive to write again. I have worked on the self-esteem and anxiety issues that lead me to stop writing in the first place. The fears that I would be harshly judged or that I would fail in some way (even though I was doing this for fun), that sort of fun thing.  On top of having dealt with my anxiety, my mental illnesses were ‘re-diagnosed’ so to speak. I was misdiagnosed, not due to carelessness or anything of the like, but simply because the medical community knew little to nothing about dealing with traumatic brain injury (that’s still the case), especially in young teens.  So, I was being treated for way more than my anxiety, PTSD, and mild depression.

I was diagnosed with multiple chronic illnesses right before and right after I turned 18. This might not sound like a good thing but it was for me, as I desperately needed treatment that I wasn’t getting. I have now had a laparoscopy for my endometriosis, as well as finding a birth control that somewhat suppresses my Endometriosis. I have also been able to get physical therapy for both my pelvic floor dysfunction and my hyper-mobile joints. Best of all, my fibromyalgia is now being treated, and in the last month or so, my rheumatologist and I finally found a medication that is actually helping me.

All of that to say some good and not so good things have happened to me in the past few years that have put me in the right place physically and mentally to create again. In the last two weeks, despite a mild bout of depression, I have started: painting, writing, reading, photographing, going to the gym, and walking again. Granted I was doing some of these things before two weeks ago, but only when I had to. My fibro improved enough around a month ago to be doing more things, but I was in a car accident (which gave me a back injury and a concussion) and I moved house, so I’ve just now had time to do things that I love again.

If you take nothing else away from this post, please leave here today knowing that as cheesy as it sounds; things ALWAYS get better. So go to that fifth doctor to find out what’s wrong, face your fears, and seek help from friends or professionals, because with the right tools you can improve any situation.

I’m very excited to start blogging again, and hope that you choose to follow me on my adventures in life. There should be a new post on Tuesday, so check back then or follow me on Facebook.  

My Story Part One

Introduction to my story

Lately I've been feeling like I'm failing you, my readers, on some level and today I realized that it isn't a lack of posts, but a lack of fulfilling the original purpose of this blog and a lack of writing without fear.

                       

First things first, not fulfilling the entire purpose of this blog.  I wanted to talk about my mental illness in the most non-triggering, appropriate way possible. I wanted my story of severe anxiety, an addiction to self- harm, an unspecified mood disorder (most likely being bipolar, but that isn't an official diagnosis) and PTSD, to show people that not only is it possible to overcome these things, but that you can show others hope.  You can share your story without being ridiculed. You can overcome any mental illness with help. You CAN overcome mental illness. That is what I wanted people to get from this blog. 

I have however allowed fear to overcome this portion of my mission for this blog and for that I am sincerely sorry. I'm not gonna make a giant difference, but I can make a small difference and if one person gains an ounce of hope from the way I present my story and from the things I have learned, then my mission is complete.  

What is this fear, you may be asking yourself . This is a fear of something I try to fight, of something I despise from the very core of my being.  The stigma and misunderstanding of these things.  But I realize that by not writing about these things, that in not sharing educational links with you guys, etc, that I too am feeding the stigma surrounding mental illness and self-injury. This realization greatly saddens me. I honestly feel that I have failed, but I also feel great amounts of hope, because I am going to start talking about this every other week in a series. To not only tell my story, but to help educate you all. 

I realize that some people might not like that. That I can lose readership, that I may even be ridiculed, but I honestly can handle those things. I also know that when potential employers are doing background checks that this blog might show up and I may not get a job because of my mental illness, but that is still far less important than standing up and doing something I know I should be doing.

To kick off my educational thing for mental illness and self-injury *

http://twloha.com/learn . This has information on depression, suicide,

self-injury, addiction, and eating disorders. If you're interested in learning more they have excellent educational links. If you are in need of help for any of these things or are having urges to do any of these things, please search their website, they can help you get help.  If you are contemplating suicide call a help line or 911 immediately. 

*Please note not everyone with a mental illness self-injures and not everyone who self-injures has a mental illness.