Back Again

Hi! It’s been ages since I’ve written anything, so if I’m a bit rusty, please have patience. I spent quite some time deliberating on what to write this post about, I wrote three separate posts before this one and ended up deleting them all half way through. So then, I decided to write about the post itself, or rather why I’m coming back to writing after all this time.

My life has recently come to a point where I have the drive to write again. I have worked on the self-esteem and anxiety issues that lead me to stop writing in the first place. The fears that I would be harshly judged or that I would fail in some way (even though I was doing this for fun), that sort of fun thing.  On top of having dealt with my anxiety, my mental illnesses were ‘re-diagnosed’ so to speak. I was misdiagnosed, not due to carelessness or anything of the like, but simply because the medical community knew little to nothing about dealing with traumatic brain injury (that’s still the case), especially in young teens.  So, I was being treated for way more than my anxiety, PTSD, and mild depression.

I was diagnosed with multiple chronic illnesses right before and right after I turned 18. This might not sound like a good thing but it was for me, as I desperately needed treatment that I wasn’t getting. I have now had a laparoscopy for my endometriosis, as well as finding a birth control that somewhat suppresses my Endometriosis. I have also been able to get physical therapy for both my pelvic floor dysfunction and my hyper-mobile joints. Best of all, my fibromyalgia is now being treated, and in the last month or so, my rheumatologist and I finally found a medication that is actually helping me.

All of that to say some good and not so good things have happened to me in the past few years that have put me in the right place physically and mentally to create again. In the last two weeks, despite a mild bout of depression, I have started: painting, writing, reading, photographing, going to the gym, and walking again. Granted I was doing some of these things before two weeks ago, but only when I had to. My fibro improved enough around a month ago to be doing more things, but I was in a car accident (which gave me a back injury and a concussion) and I moved house, so I’ve just now had time to do things that I love again.

If you take nothing else away from this post, please leave here today knowing that as cheesy as it sounds; things ALWAYS get better. So go to that fifth doctor to find out what’s wrong, face your fears, and seek help from friends or professionals, because with the right tools you can improve any situation.

I’m very excited to start blogging again, and hope that you choose to follow me on my adventures in life. There should be a new post on Tuesday, so check back then or follow me on Facebook.  

Exploring: Old Town

                               This was the first picture I took i just adore the amazing art.

                                                     

So after living in Northern Virginia for several months,  we've finally gotten around to exploring a bit.  A few months back, mum and I took the metro down to Old Town Alexandria but I didn't take any pictures; we weren't there for long so I thought I would wait until I got down there again -- I finally did this weekend.

On Sunday we went to walk about, shop, and have a nice meal as a family. 

Our first stop was this awesome used book store we found last time we were there. This book store is pretty small but has book shelves everywhere, there are tiny walk ways between book shelves and they have an amazing selection with pretty much any type of book you can think of.  This last trip one of the books I purchased was The Monster of  Florence, (shockingly, gasp) it's about the monster of Florence an infamous serial killer who was never apprehended, I haven't been able to put it down, reading it was the last thing I did yesterday and the first thing I did today. I took the picture of the rubber ducks as I was leaving the bookstore; they had a display of maybe 15 in the window.

We then walked a ways until we got to Murphy's Pub for brunch, which was super yummy! If you're ever in Old Town on a Sunday morning, I recommend that you pop in for some brunch. On the way to the comic book store I had found the last time we were there, I found a papyrus store, which I was super excited about, and I got the below note card sets on sale.

 
We then popped into the comic bookstore on the way back to the metro.  I hope you guys are having an awesome Spring.

Note: I wrote this about a month ago and forgot to post it.

Chicken,Veggie, and Noodle Soup.

I made this for dinner a few nights ago and we all loved it, it's also super good left over. I hope that you all enjoy it.

Ingrediants-
1 bone in chicken breast
1/2 green bell pepper
1  cup spinach
1/2 bag of baby carrots
2 stalks of celery
1/2 medium onion
1 small zucchini
1 half container of sliced mushrooms.
1 1/2 T chicken base
1 cup chicken stock
1/2 T chopped garlic
1 tsp of marmite
Mrs. Dash Table Blend
Salt
Pepper

Directions:
Fill medium stock pot just over 3/4 of the way with water and 1 cup of chicken broth, Then put the pot on the stove set heat on high.
While the watter is begining to get warm, cut the chicken breast into 3-4 pieces (depending on the size). Add to pot.

Chop green bell pepper, spinach, carrots, celery, onion, and zucchini. By now the chicken should be fully cooked (if not wait until it is). Remove the chicken and set aside to cool.  Add the bell pepper, carrots, and zucchini to the pot; reduce heat to medium. Now add the marmite, chopped garlic, Mrs. Dash, salt, and pepper.  Saute the onion and mushroom in a little bit of the liquid from the soup. Add the noodles, mushrooms, onions, celery, and spinach.

Notes-

You can use tofu, veggie stock, and veggie base to make this vegetarian.
Also I used the pre sliced mushrooms and the baby carrots for speed.
I plan to use more marmite next time, so you might want to add more too. Also if you dislike marmite, you can skip this step.

Journal prompt #4

Today's prompt is a gratitude list. Often in our busy, lives we forget about the small things that we're grateful for like a nice cuppa or a phone call with Grandma.  So today I want us to all reflect on those seemingly small things that we are and should be grateful for.

Who do you love most in this world? What can you not live without? What would you rather not live without?  What is the reason you wake up in the morning? Where do you most love to go? What charities are you grateful for?  What in life do you overlook, that you are truly grateful for / should be grateful for? What character traits do you have that you are grateful for ?

My List:
1. Being clean from self-harm
2. My mom and dad
3. My family
4. My friends
5. The five senses
6. Sharpies
7. Post it notes
8. My home
9. Therapists
10. Therapy
11. The arts
12. My artistic abilitiy
13. Recovery
14. Books
15. Cemeteries
16. Beaches
17. Awesome tv shows
18. Planners
19. My eyes
20. My kindnesss
21. To write love on her arms
22. Books about recovery
23. This blog
24. My kindle
25. Calenders
26. My ipod
27. My computer
28. All the crap I've been through
29. Cloths
30. Makeup
31. Organization
32. The zoo
33. The science center
34. The sunshine
35.  Psychology
36. My personality
37. Crafts
38. Van Gogh
39. Hats
40. Writing
41. Phones
42. Hot tea
43. Phone calls with family
44. Good health
45. Ballet
46. Coffee
47. Comicbooks
48. Photography
49. Flowers
50. The leaves changing in the fall
51. My pets
52. Quilts
53. Warm weather
54. My car
55. The ability to drive
56. Phone calls with friends
57. My goats
58. Sleep
59. Helplines
60. Facebook

Five lovely Quotes about art

As many of you know I love art, lists and quotes, so I decided to combine all of those things into one epic post!

1. "If you hear a voice within you saying, 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced."  - Vincent Van Gogh


2. "Life imitates art far more than art imitates life." - Oscar Wilde

3. "If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don't write, because our culture has no use for it." - Anais Nin


4. “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.” -  Pablo Picasso

5. "The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance." - Aristotle 

Challenge to beat soul destoryers

Often in the midst of defeating our soul destroyers whatever they might be for you and everyday life we can "forget" to do fun things.  So I'm challenging you to do something fun preferably with a friend or family member.  I want you to write or type a list of fun things to do it it can be as long or as short as you like.  Then cut out the  items from your list and put them in paint dripped mason jars or some other fun container.

 My list:

Throw a ball with the dog

Make cookies for the elderly or neighbours

Go for a walk around the neighbourhood

Call my baby cousins

Go to the mall

Go to a festival or another special event

Play a game with friends or family members

Go to a movie

Go to a sporting event at my college

Go to a play

Go to one of the museums in D.C.

Go to the national  zoo

Walk around Old Town

Go to Pentagon City

Go to one of the many places I book marked on yelp

Take Grace to the dog park.

Buy and then read comic books (the best  item on this list if I'm honest )

Friday Wishlist

1. Alice in wonderland dress

This brilliant dress is from my favorite book/movies! It's also beautiful!

2. Dr. martens 1460 dai boot

I think that I'm in love with these boots!










3.Pleather hair bow

I absolutely love hair bows right now and this one is huge pretty vinyl and fuschia!!!!!!! AKA Amazing!

4. The Essential Max Brooks

I've been wanting to read these books for a while now.  















5.Octopus anchor dress

This dress is just flat out awesome!

My Story Part One

Introduction to my story

Lately I've been feeling like I'm failing you, my readers, on some level and today I realized that it isn't a lack of posts, but a lack of fulfilling the original purpose of this blog and a lack of writing without fear.

                       

First things first, not fulfilling the entire purpose of this blog.  I wanted to talk about my mental illness in the most non-triggering, appropriate way possible. I wanted my story of severe anxiety, an addiction to self- harm, an unspecified mood disorder (most likely being bipolar, but that isn't an official diagnosis) and PTSD, to show people that not only is it possible to overcome these things, but that you can show others hope.  You can share your story without being ridiculed. You can overcome any mental illness with help. You CAN overcome mental illness. That is what I wanted people to get from this blog. 

I have however allowed fear to overcome this portion of my mission for this blog and for that I am sincerely sorry. I'm not gonna make a giant difference, but I can make a small difference and if one person gains an ounce of hope from the way I present my story and from the things I have learned, then my mission is complete.  

What is this fear, you may be asking yourself . This is a fear of something I try to fight, of something I despise from the very core of my being.  The stigma and misunderstanding of these things.  But I realize that by not writing about these things, that in not sharing educational links with you guys, etc, that I too am feeding the stigma surrounding mental illness and self-injury. This realization greatly saddens me. I honestly feel that I have failed, but I also feel great amounts of hope, because I am going to start talking about this every other week in a series. To not only tell my story, but to help educate you all. 

I realize that some people might not like that. That I can lose readership, that I may even be ridiculed, but I honestly can handle those things. I also know that when potential employers are doing background checks that this blog might show up and I may not get a job because of my mental illness, but that is still far less important than standing up and doing something I know I should be doing.

To kick off my educational thing for mental illness and self-injury *

http://twloha.com/learn . This has information on depression, suicide,

self-injury, addiction, and eating disorders. If you're interested in learning more they have excellent educational links. If you are in need of help for any of these things or are having urges to do any of these things, please search their website, they can help you get help.  If you are contemplating suicide call a help line or 911 immediately. 

*Please note not everyone with a mental illness self-injures and not everyone who self-injures has a mental illness. 

Coping Skills A to Z Part One

Here is an A to Z list of coping skills. This is something I had to do in therapy once and it was actually pretty helpful, but I lost the list, so I thought I'd do it again and share it with you guys. This can be good even if you're just bored or having a hard time with something else; it doesn't have to be depression, anxiety, self harm, etc. 

Alphabetize: This might seem silly, but I find that this is not only calming, but that during dark times when I feel like doing nothing and I feel worthless that this gives me something productive to do and gives me a sense of worth, so sort through and alphabetize those books,movies,etc.

Bake: I love to bake when I'm having a normal mood or an elevated mood. It takes some doing to make myself bake when depressed, but it really lifts my spirits, especially if I can give away the baked goods to someone else. Again this is something that gives me a sense of self confidence and self worth.

Call a helpline: There are loads of them in every country for everything one would need a help line for; you just need to google for the specific type you're looking for (this itself can be a coping skill). I'll list some here; I suggest you write these in your journal. National Hopeline Network 1.800.SUICIDE (784-2433), National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  1.800.273.TALK (273-8255) For hearing and speech impaired with TTY equipment  ::  1.800.799.4TTY (779-4889) Español  ::  1.888.628.9454, National Child Abuse Hotline  ::  1.800.4.A.CHILD (422-4453), National Domestic Violence Hotline  ::  1.800.799.SAFE (799-7233), Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN)  ::  1.800.656.HOPE (656-4673), and kuto 1.888.644.KUTO (5886).

Drink a cup of hot tea. 

Eat a well rounded meal. This only works at meal times, but it's often a temptation to not eat or to eat junk when we are very depressed, manic, or hypomanic, anxious, etc., so eating a well rounded meal is actually a very good coping skill.

Flower gardens: I personally love flower gardens and find them very therapeutic. Take photos of a flower garden, walk around one, or plant one.

Go somewhere. If you are self-injuring or have depression, you know they are isolating diseases. One of the the best ways to combat this is to go out to the zoo, park, museum, etc. Try to avoid shopping and spending more than about $20 while very emotional. Or if you really want to spend money, consult a trusted person or take them with you. 

Have a nice chat with a friend or family member.  These relationships tend to suffer when in the throws of anxiety, depression, self-injury, maina; even just normal life. 

Next tuesday's post will be I-Z! Let me know if any of these work for you. 

Fall goals list

Happy fall!
1.camp out in the back yard .
2.lose ten pounds
3.get back into the habit of exercising
4.read three books for leisure
5.share my story on the blog
6. Start volunteering or working at an old folks place
7.Bake cookies for a widow
8.Have a bonfire
9.get back into the habit of horseback riding
Do you have a goals list? What is on it? What is your favourite goal?

Journal prompt 3

Hello my lovelies,

I'm so sorry for not writing anything last weekend, but I was ill. I'm feeling much better now. So today's journal prompt is actually a few letter prompts. I was reading a lovely encouraging book called "101 Distractions from Depression, Self-harm (and other soul destroyers)," where she presented the idea of writing a letter to someone you're angry with and not sending it. This gave me the idea of the following prompts:

1.Write a letter to your best friend, a cousin, or a sibling. Why is this person important to you? What have you learned from this person over the years? What character traits do you admire in this person? What has this person done that you are most proud of? Why do you respect this person?

2.Write a letter to your mother. What is your favorite childhood memory with her? What is the biggest lesson you learned from her?  What was your favorite thing to do with her? What is your favorite thing to do with her now? What was a sacrifice she made for you?  What did this sacrifice mean to you then and what does it mean now?  What character traits does she have that you admire/ would like to obtain?

Of course you do not have to send these out, you can journal these,  tell them to the person verbally, or just spend time reflecting on the memories. Please give me feedback. Tell me about the person you thought of, a memory, etc. Have a lovely day.

Summer Goals List

Original list:

1. Blog twice a week

2. Portfolios- I would really love to put together an art portfolio  as well as a portfolio for my shop to show potential customers.

  

3. Camp out- I've been wanting to camp out on our farm since we moved here, but haven't done it yet.

4. Train for a 5k- I want to train for an Out of Darkness 5K.

5. Read 4 books (at different times) - I didn't reach my spring goal for reading so, I want to finish that as well as this one.

6. Redo a thrift store dresser -  I really want to start fixing up and painting furniture to sell. 

7. Get good at knitting- I have learned how to knit and I would really like to knit something pretty.

8. Sew more- I would really like to make some cool dresses.

9. Get a second job - I would  really like to be making more money by fall, so I can set it aside for the future.

10. Make an inspiration notebook - I've been meaning to make one of these for a while, so I'm pretty excited about this.

New list:

1. Blog twice a week

  

2. Camp out- I've been wanting to camp out on our farm since we moved here, but haven't done it yet.

3. Train for a 5k- I want to train for an Out of Darkness 5K.

4. read 4 books (at different times) - I didn't reach my spring goal for reading so, I want to finish that as well as this one. 

5.Get good at knitting- I have learned how to knit and I would really like to knit something pretty.

6. Get a second job - I would  really like to be making more money by fall, so I can set it aside for the future.

7. Make an inspiration notebook - I've been meaning to make one of these for a while, so I'm pretty excited about this.

8.Bake more.

9.Photograph my daily life more.

Journal Prompt 2

For today's prompt I wanted to give y'all some questions about growing up to answer.

1.What was your favorite childhood toy? Why? How did you feel when playing with it ? what is your favorite memory with it?

2.What was your first car? Do you have a favorite trip you drove it on?  Did you adore it or tolerate it?  What colour was it? What was the place you drove it to most? Was it neat and clean or messy and dirty?

3. What was your favorite childhood book?  what was it about? When was the last time you read it?
How did you feel when you read it? What was the overall tone of the book? What was the genre?

4. What was your favorite childhood tv show or movie?  What was the genre?  How did you feel when you watched it?  Was there a snack you ate when you were watching it?

Journal Prompt One

Lately, I've been journaling again, something I haven't done in quite a while. As I was journaling today, I decided to come up with some prompts for, not only myself, but also to inspire you guys to write. I will be doing a prompt each Sunday.  Feel free to share your writings  or thoughts on the prompt with me in the comments or on facebook.

Prompt One: What are your core beliefs? List and define these beliefs about your responsibilities, spirituality,etc.  How do these beliefs affect your everyday life?  Are they part of what makes you tick?  Why are they important to you?  What formed them?  Ask yourself these, and any other, questions you come up with. Remember, this is about you and what you believe, you are writing this stuff out for yourself and no one else.

Change

Wow, my life is changing so much, so very fast.  I only have one more class left that's just for high school, which is American history. The rest of the classes I take will be for high school and college credits. This semester I am taking math and psychology at the college and American history at home for high school/home school credit.

I've gotten a job as a lifeguard/swim instructor at the YMCA, I don't have a start date yet but I should find out about that this Monday or Tuesday.

Another huge change has been my mood. I've had a normal/happy mood for about three weeks now, I've even felt like baking and cooking.

The only drawback with some of these changes is less time to blog, so I'll probably only post on Friday or Saturday for a while.

Keep coming back to read more about my ever changing life!